I Wanted the Story to Leave Me Alone

(Spoiler alert: It didn't)

Good Friday usually leaves me alone. I can sit through the story. Reflect a little. Feel something. And then… move on.

But not this year. At PFLC’s Good Friday service, the story was told like this: What happens when love confronts power? And instead of leaving it “back then”… it turned toward us. 

And honestly – I felt that deeply. But I also feel some resistance, and I have a feeling that I’m not the only one. So, I’ll say it out loud.

I’m not asking for much out of life. I want something simple. Health. Joy. Good friends and family. And I want that for other people too. There’s a part of me that feels like this should be enough.

But this version of the story wouldn’t leave that alone. It kept pressing on something I’d rather ignore: How easy it is to live a good life, without noticing who doesn’t get one. How often things stay the same, because people like me don’t push too hard.

And I don’t like that.

I don’t want my life to come at someone else’s expense. But I also don’t want to live
like everything is a confrontation. At some point… I just want to live. Tell me the story, I’ll acknowledge it, and then we can all move on.

And maybe that’s the problem. I don’t think that I’m a bad person, but that I’m human. Capable of love… and also very skilled at looking away.

So now I’m stuck here: Wanting a good life, and not wanting to ignore reality. 

I don’t know how to fix that. Do you? Maybe this isn’t something you resolve. Maybe it’s something you live inside of. A kind of awareness that doesn’t let you off the hook… but also doesn’t take your life away.

For me, it’s starting to look like this: Living a good life, while staying honest about the world it exists in. Letting joy be real. Letting rest be real. But also paying enough attention that when love costs something… I don’t automatically choose comfort instead.

I’m not there. But I think that’s the work.